


Unicorn Hunters of Westeros

by jenphalian



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations, Ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-05-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 09:10:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6949996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jenphalian/pseuds/jenphalian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He flirts with her. She rolls her eyes. My friend was sad. I made this headcanon for him</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unicorn Hunters of Westeros

Tormund wants Brienne to marry him but she's all, "nah."

He asks, "why not?" 

Brienne is bemused. No one has ever flirted with her unless they were paid or as a joke or both. "Like... because I'm an ace paladin? Why do you think not?"

So he looks that up in his D&D Player's Handbook, then comes back and says, "okay, but like, would you be in a triad relationship with me and I will get my sexual needs fulfilled with another woman?"

Now it is Brienne's turn to research, so she asks Podrick if he has heard of such a thing, and Pod says, "sure, plenty of nobles are married but have different primary sex partners, remember that Bob Baratheon dude and Cersei?"

So she and the wildling talk again. Brienne is like, "hugging only when I initiate it, and no kids."

Tormund replies, "deal, but I might've left some kids in other places, so that bit might come back and haunt us." He is worried that's a deal breaker but he wants to be good not just to her but for her and because of her, so he knows he has to build on a base of integrity although he would phrase all this differently.

But instead of rejecting him, Brienne says, "thanks for the honesty, we'll work that out if the time comes."

Then Podrick clears his throat from the back of the room so Brienne says, "hey, my squire is important to me, so if we are already shifting the relationship structure common for socioeconomic gain into something more focused on the emotional health of the participants while eschewing the gender roles rigidly enforced by our respective cultures, would you accept further alteration of those boundaries to find a place within our family for him as well?"

And Tormund is like wut, so Pod says, "she means, when you find another wife can I maybe get with her too?" And Tormund waggles his eyebrows, meaning, only if I can watch. Podrick shrugs assent. They will have many literal dick-sizing contests in the future, and it will always be too close to call.

Tormund arrives at their wedding breakfast with beautiful flowers for her. It is the first time she's publicly liked flowers. She presents to him a squad of his wildlings that she's trained to be elite fighters, and he is very touched. At the end, he holds out his hand for a hearty shake, and she opens her arms and their armor clunks together in an awkward but adorable hug.

Brienne, Tormund, and Pod travel forth in search of a unicorn to complete their poly relationship. They'll probably go for a Frey daughter, there's like a ton of those.

The end.


End file.
